I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
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The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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