Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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