i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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