she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
