What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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