I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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