I wish I could teleport
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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