Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
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