A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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