If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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