she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
