found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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