well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
