I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
