How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Two words: nipple clamps
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