I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
