Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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