I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
