I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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