I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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