woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
