If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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