I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
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Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
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Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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