she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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