After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
