Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
