brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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