she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
