Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
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I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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