What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
