You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
