I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
