i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
