I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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