How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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