Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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