She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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