Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
