If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
