I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
