Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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