i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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