Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
