Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
