I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
