i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
