just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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