I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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