allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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