My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
