The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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