have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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