They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize