You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
