dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Ketchup is God's man juice
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
