Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We're too hungover to prance.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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