Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
