If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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