So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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