The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If I die, sorry about rent.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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