you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize