So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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