I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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