I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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