Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
