I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
