my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
