Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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