piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
