Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
