why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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