Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
