they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
