you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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