Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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