how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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