You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
