i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
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You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
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A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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