Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just found puke in my bra..
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
