worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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