Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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