So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
